It’s Not My Fault
Now and again I come across prospective clients who are impossible to counsel. It is not that they are afraid to talk – usually far from it. It is just that there is no point. For them everything is beyond their control and they are a product of the times. So they had no option but go along with it all, for you cannot fight the impossible. It is the places’ fault; it is the government’s fault; it is my parents’ fault; it is the tight fisted employer’s fault; it is my partner’s fault; it is the immigrant’s fault; it is certainly not my fault!
The other extreme is just as bad and equally frustrating. It is all my fault – I shouldn’t have done that; I should have done something else; if I had done the other thing then my partner wouldn’t have left me/raped me/ parents divorced/had that accident/etc.etc.
Somehow the Counsellor has to pull down the belief structure to allow the Client to begin to think for themselves. Or should they?
As a Counsellor I see the above as the route to take, enabling the Client to take control of his or her own life – but as a theologian I see other possibilities. Where does Fate come into the equation, or God’s Will, or Karma? As we reap what we sow then perhaps there is a genuine reason for saying it is all my fault. Perhaps we have to go through a struggle against impossible forces because that is God’s Plan for us. Isn’t that an example of going through our personal crucifixion or being pruned as a branch on the vine of the church?
What we believe to be true actually dictates how we approach Life, whether we rail and fight or meekly accept our lot or find a middle path through the maze of options. Whatever the case it is the person (the Client) who has to live the life and accept responsibility for their actions. Who said Life was fair or easy?
Have a great month